1 year later. It was Christmas. I was excited. I ran into Mum's room. "Wake up, it's Christmas!" I ran to the tree. No presents? What? Santa hasn't been here?
And then I saw one shiny present. I grabbed it. It had writing. It said "To Savannah, from Santa". I screamed! I opened it. It was a smurf. I called it Grumpy. We did everything together. Well, except one thing and that was showers. Grumpy hated showers.
One day Grumpy was really dirty and Mum said should we give Grumpy a wash. "No!" I squealed. And then… Mum said if you don't give him a wash you will get rabies and your eyes will fall out first. (I didn't know what rabies were but eyes falling out, ahhhh!) Quickly I handed him over. I missed him but I washed him twice a week from then on.
By Savannah
Savannah, your introduction really hooks in the reader. I like your short, sharp sentences. The questions you ask yourself really show the reader your feelings about what is happening.
ReplyDeleteYou have shared three wonderful events which show how special Grumpy is to you. Wow!
Mr M :)
your writing is very riveting. i love it! it shows how special grumpy was.
ReplyDeleteBAM, amber
nice story. I like how you started the story when you were first born.
ReplyDelete-Sydney
to bannana (my nickname for savannah)
ReplyDeletetrust you to be scared of your eyes falling out and rabies i love it and of course grumpy hates showers i like it how in part you were thinking to yourself i didnt know what rabies are but eyes falling out ahhh!
lily
thank you i really think i did well in this its my best story yet
ReplyDeletesavannah <3